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Archive for the ‘Negative Habits’ Category

Handle Those Negative Emotions Before They Turn Into Monsters

22 Nov

Handle Those Negative Emotions Before They Turn Into MonstersLife is full of lessons. Most of the lessons we learn in life come from experiencing a negative emotion. Think about that! Do we have any deep and meaningful lessons from experiencing fun, joy and laughter – other than “we want it to happen again and again”. Of course understanding and recreating the conditions that surrounded the joy and laughter is important, yet it is often not the most impacting event in our memories – is it? Why is it then, that experiencing negative emotions such as resentment, blame, hurt, fear, anxiety, guilt, anger, bitterness, hatred, jealousy, revenge, all have such a strong effect on us and can teach us so much.

Emotion is Memory

We have two minds – the conscious mind is 12% of our mind and the subconscious mind is 88%. In the subconscious mind we have all our memory, habits, personality and self image. The language of the subconscious mind is emotion. The language of the conscious mind is words, sounds and pictures. It was the research scientist Rappaport who proved in 1971 that “emotion is memory”. Have you ever wondered why you can so easily recall a good event or a bad event. You can easily remember the circumstances, where you were, who else was there, you can relive hearing what was said, seeing the surroundings and you can re-experience the feeling – right through your body. The emotion, good or bad, is easily remembered – particularly the feeling you experienced.

So, once again, why are negative emotions so impacting? The answer is because they are so easily remembered and relived!

Prevent Emotional “Baggage” becoming a Habit

Handle Those Negative Emotions Before They Turn Into MonstersThis emotional “baggage” can be a real curse. We can often let it hang around in our mind creating further negativity. We know that negative thoughts attract negative thoughts … and this can lead to fear and anxiety, lack of self confidence and self esteem, depression, illness, disease, and more. And … we help to create this for ourselves by hanging on to the negative thoughts. Perhaps not even the initial negative event but we have multiplied its effect in our mind and body by not using techniques to handle it, moving through it and learning from it. So then emotional negativity becomes a habit.

It is extremely important to express your feelings and talk about events. This can be done with friends or with a counsellor. Look at the consequences of internalising or pushing down negative feelings. They go to memory which is in the subconscious mind. They are permanently there because as I’ve already discussed, “Emotion is Memory”. Then what can often happen, for unexplained, or no apparent reasons, one can experience negative feelings like sadness or anger (and more) bubbling to the surface. Negative emotional feelings can become a habit (depression). With a traumatic event, if internalised, this process can lead to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – depression, hot sweats, unexplained anger, nightmares, and irrational action can become the norm.

What can I Learn from this Event?

Here’s another trap that’s so easy to fall into. Asking the question of ourselves “Why me?” or “Why is this happening to me?” All of us are wired up the same way. When you ask yourself a question what do you get? An answer of course. Ask yourself negative questions and you get negative answers. You might as well ask yourself “Why do I deserve these things happening to me?” You can see where the answers lead … yes, to every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life, and this brings about more guilt and even more depression. We become more listless, lethargic, tired, weary, exhausted. And all of this reduces our productivity and self esteem, and once again “we’ve done it to ourselves”. We are the creators.

Handle Those Negative Emotions Before They Turn Into MonstersThere is a simple answer. Become aware of your own self talk and when it’s negative, change it. So ask yourself a positive question and you’ll get a positive answer. It can be a challenge, in the middle of experiencing or re-experiencing a negative event, to think of a positive question. I’ll offer one that can be a start and you can modify it to suit you. “What is there for me to learn from experiencing …… ?” (and then you say the negative event). Do you get the idea? Do this in meditation and write down the answers as they come to mind.

Handling Grief is a Process

Often with a death in the family or of a close friend, whether it be caused naturally (including disease), by accident or by violence, we can experience many negative emotions which are all part of the grief process. Yes, regard it as a process, something that we can experience, move through and learn from.

Nearly all the emotions that have been mentioned so far can apply in a process of grief. Some of them are directed to ourselves and the person who has “passed over” and some are directed to ourselves and the perpetrator (in the case of violence and sometimes accident). Personally, it was only in meditation when the thought came to me “If you persist in thinking hateful, angry and revengeful thoughts, you’ll end up like that”, that I realised I could make myself another victim … and then I would have done this to myself. So I changed the thoughts in meditation to acceptance, co-operation, unconditional love and ultimately forgiveness. This is when I developed that sense of inner peace. It is common for people to experience denial, disbelief and loss of faith, but I find that most of us do come to terms with these experiences, so I will not dwell upon them.

Associated with the grief experienced following a death, there is often the feeling of guilt, stemming from “I haven’t said goodbye” or “The last time we spoke we had an argument” or “I never resolved that …. (fight, argument, issue, etc…)” or “What if ….” Another feeling can be loneliness which is often manifested by “hanging on” to the person who has passed over. I have learned that we can always say “Goodbye” (it is never too late) and that we can always forgive, including forgiving ourselves for unresolved issues after the death. This can be done in meditation or by prayer in any location – graveyard, church, your bedroom, your own back yard, a favourite spot … to name a few. Long ago I was advised to “Let go and Let God” and this has served me. Do I still talk about my daughters and have their pictures around? Of course – but I don’t bring them to mind and try to communicate with them – rather I send them my Love and Light for the Highest Good of all concerned.

Handle Those Negative Emotions Before They Turn Into MonstersSo, learn the lessons that life has to offer through negative events by asking yourself positive questions and talk about any trauma and the resultant feelings. My advice is to learn Peaceful Place techniques and meditate, changing any negativity by using the process of acceptance, co-operation, unconditional love and forgiveness. (Try out my favourite meditation PP13 – Inner Peace and Harmony - it is online for just A$20). Remember that once you have these techniques you can more easily handle any challenge that life puts in your path – it’s like taking preventative action.

Positive Story

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying “Yes, I’ll do it if it will save her.” As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the colour returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, “Will I start to die right away?”

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

WOW! This is the kind of emotion I like to feel ….. it overwhelms me. This was forwarded to us by one of our e-mail friends and I thought you would like it. I intend to do an E Report on positive emotion.

All the Best

Sandy signature
Sandy MacGregor

Enjoy the positive story – it will take your breath away.

 

Aspects of Anger

16 Aug

Aspects of AngerKaren’s earliest family memories were of fear when her dad (Jim) was in one of his moods. Drinking didn’t help and often it was the trigger; his rage was mostly taken out on Mum (Mary) who ended up bruised and battered, “… but for us kids, we had to hide and not get in the way.” Mum swore she would leave him, but never did. Why? “Because Dad loved Mum and us kids. He would buy us presents, take us out, bring Mum flowers, cuddle Mum … and then it would happen all over again.
“Grandad (Geoff) dad’s dad, was also like that and didn’t often come around … when he did, Dad seemed to be a different person – like a lamb, meek and mild, especially when Grandad was raving at him.”

Karen grew up and lived with Frank who was “just like Dad”. She ran away to another state and met and married Greg – who turned out to be worse than Frank.

Karen’s story is not unique. We will examine some aspects of just how debilitating anger can be, and will also come up with some solutions. Let me start by saying that anger is a personal issue and must be resolved personally. Nobody can do it for you. If you recognise it as an issue in your life and you want to do something about it, then there is a way forward.

Comment
I’ll say the obvious about Karen’s story. It looks like she was born into a family where some traits were inherited. Dad and Grandad were the same, but Dad loved Mum. Anger and Love went together and were a possible combination in the mind of young Karen. So much so that her men – Frank and Greg – were both like Dad. Subconsciously Karen looked for men who expressed love through anger – there was no love without anger! Is there an explanation for that

I believe that we are all on earth in a physical body (housing a soul) to gain experiences for our soul. In other words, we gain lessons we need to learn whilst we are on Earth. So, one way to look at inherited traits, say anger, is that perhaps we need to learn the lessons involved with dealing with and overcoming anger. Having the attitude (or belief) about learning lessons from inherited negative traits often avoids the frequently associated feelings of guilt, blame or judgements of our parents, or those close to us. Indeed if we take this attitude (or belief) to the nth degree, we can ultimately be grateful to anyone who has taught us negative habits because we realise that we need to get the lessons from handling or overcoming that particular negative habit.

So Karen too needed to learn lessons. She had four men in her life – Dad, Grandad, Frank and Greg who were all there creating adversity for Karen, which presented her with opportunities to learn and grow … anger is not synonymous with Love. Perhaps also there were lessons of self esteem, self worth and self love!

On a grander scale cast your mind to the age old Irish religious issues where generations of kids have been born into families “full of hate”. What about the Jewish/Palestinian issues? One can only wonder “Is there any hope of moving through the anger and hatred and revenge thoughts passed from one generation to the next”? Is it just chance that we’re not born into these families or are these not our particular lessons to learn? One can wonder if it is perhaps some part of a “Greater Plan”. That age-old saying comes up for me “There but for the grace of God go I.”

My Personal Experience

Hatred, anger and revenge consumed me after the murder of my three daughters. Naturally enough you may say, and probably appropriate, because it’s all part of the grief process. I was lucky I knew that we talk to ourselves 50,000 times a day and if we talk to ourselves negatively then that will influence us to become negative. I would eventually cause my own demise and become another victim.

Habits are a challenge to break and one of the reasons for this is that the job of the subconscious mind is to keep you where you are now. In other words, to keep you in your Comfort Zone, with all habits, both good and bad. The subconscious mind wants what it’s got and not what it hasn’t got. Once the habit is there, the subconscious mind wants it. It keeps you there with self sabotage … negative self talk … and all this is natural. The key is awareness. For me, it was important to have the awareness that I was having negative self talk which would eventually drive me towards being another victim.

I was also lucky that I knew that the subconscious mind (88% of our mind, containing all our habits, memory, self image and personality) doesn’t know the difference between imagination and reality. I worked deliberately with the subconscious mind, changing hatred, anger and revenge thoughts into acceptance, love and forgiveness. The two change agents that I used were goals and meditation. With either of these methods we can work deliberately with our subconscious mind, changing debilitating habits.

Avoid Self Anger

There are times when anger can be appropriate – it can be a natural action. Notice that I did not use the work “reaction”! Often anger can be justifiable, however if you lose control, who wins? Certainly not you! And then this can lead to self recrimination and unhappiness. Thoughts can often be redirected at self anger and this is not desirable … do you remember crying when your parents were angry with you when you were very young? Well, when you’re angry with yourself it’s a similar thing … you’re hurting that young child inside of you and that “young child” inside is crying. Recognise it and avoid redirecting anger at yourself.

My Meditation CD of Letting Go Anger

I have a meditation CD, Peaceful Place #9 – Letting Go Anger, which will help in changing any habit of anger. I have reproduced the words here so that you can make your own tape – I have not included Building Peaceful Place and then going down through the colours to get to the meditation state – that dreamlike state where you have conscious control (you may already know about this and if not, these are included in all my CDs).

Introduction

Here are a few thoughts for you to consider, during the process of anger: generally speaking there are aspects of resentment or blame or judgement or guilt that are involved. These are all factors that may well contribute to the anger itself. There is sometimes a belief and an expectation when other people are involved. The starting point through the process of anger is to accept where you are by realising what you’ve done or what has happened. No matter what you’ve done up until now, know that you’ve probably done the best that you knew how at the time. One way forward is you make whatever you’ve done okay for yourself and in that way you can forgive other people that are involved and you can forgive yourself. You can in fact increase your self esteem out of this whole process. You see, even if bad thoughts come in, you can actually say “no” to the bad thought and don’t accept them. Likewise you can say “yes” to any good thoughts and you accept them. Both actions help sel f esteem. When you’ve done this tape for anger a few times, then you’ll be able to use a shortened version, whereby you’ll just be able to count from ten to one and on each one of those ten counts you’ll be able to use the process to quickly clear the anger. You could do this in say 30 seconds … you’ll practise at the end of this meditation.

The Guided Imagery Words

It’s a good starting point to review an occasion when you showed anger, see the scene or sense that you see it, hear what was said or hear any other sounds and relive the feeling of how it was. Acknowledge and realise inside of you whatever it was that went wrong, you see it as it is, and just now answer these questions to yourself. Who do you resent in this situation? What expectations in fact were violated with that resentment? Did you start to blame either others or yourself? Do you have an expectation of what either you or other people should do? If so, what are they? Do you find that you are really beginning to judge either yourself or other people because of your expectations? Are you feeling guilty about that and about what you did either in judging yourself or in judging other people? So is there anything that you can do about what other people do? Yes you can accept their behaviour and love them anyway, or you could let them know that their behaviour bothers you. How can you resolve the judgement of others? You can forgive them and realise that they are probably doing the best that they know how and that your standards and their standards may be different. You resolve the judgement of yourself by forgiving yourself and you can realise that whatever you’ve done up until now is the best that you knew how at the time. You can acknowledge yourself for who you are and know that you are growing. You introduce loving into this situation. You can love the other people for who they are, silently to yourself, and you can love and accept yourself the way you are. So you say: “I love and accept myself”, and know that you basically have been able to change your expectation of self and others, change your belief because you know that either you or other people are doing the best they can. And as good thoughts come into you, you just acknowledge those good thoughts and say “yes” to them and you feel better about yourself. If there are any bad th oughts that come in just simply say “no” to the bad thoughts and once again you feel good. When you feel good about yourself your self esteem rises. Imagine and feel that rising. And now just once again picture and imagine that situation, see it, or sense that you see it, feel it, and hear or sense you hear yourself in that same situation and know that you are calm and smiling and generating love and affection and that you are breathing calmly, knowing that you are doing the best you can and that the other people in the same situation are doing the best that they can. You can accept the situation for what it is. Now as you get a sense of that, as you hear the sounds, as you get in touch with your feelings, congratulate yourself for really handling a difficult situation because you’ve handled it well, get that clarity in your mind. Yes, well done, congratulations and you feel really good about yourself knowing that you can be calm and relaxed about any situation. And now on t he count of five you will open your eyes being relaxed, well, healthy and invigorated, knowing that you can handle situations, quickly and resourcefully and always remain calm, relaxed and know that you can easily let go anger. And now on the count of five you open your eyes feeling relaxed, well, healthy and invigorated. No 1 you feel the blood flowing to the end of your fingers and toes. No. 2 you move your fingers and toes. No. 3 you stretch a little bit and No. 4 you roll your neck around gently. No. 5 eyes open, wide awake, relaxed, well, healthy and invigorated, having released any anger inside you.

Aspects of AngerThe fast way

Now as I said at the beginning of this tape, here is a method that you’ll be able to use to quickly release anger. You need to practise getting into your Peaceful Place fast so that you can get there in a few seconds and when you’re there you just say to yourself “Now I count from ten down to one and on the count of one I am relaxed and have released all my anger.” Here are some suggestions as to the type of statement or question you can make on each number as you count down:- No. 10: “Who am I resenting and who is it hurting? No. 9 Am I blaming anybody, myself or others? No. 8 Is there any judgement involved in this? No. 7 Do my belief systems get in the way? No. 6 Have I got any expectations? No.5 Is there any guilt involved? No. 4 I accept the situation for what it is. No. 3 All of us are doing the best we can with the tools that we have. No. 2 I forgive myself and others. No. 1 I am relaxed and have released my anger. Sense your positive emotion. And you take a deep b reath and go on about your business.

When Anger is Huge

Often anger is a huge issue in life and therefore we need to do more work in both meditation and goals. A good goal is “I always calmly respond to any situation”. The 3 meditations which I suggest are Acceptance and Letting Go (CD#16), Unconditional Love (CD#17) – Unconditional Love of self, others you have hurt and the person that passed it on to you) and Forgiveness (CD#6) – Forgiveness of self for being angry, forgiveness of the person that passed it on to you, forgiveness of self for the people you have hurt.

In closing, know that there is no place for revenge … not even thoughts of revenge. Leave revenge to the Law and the legal system will exact social responsibility … and even if it doesn’t, just let it go.

So, awareness is a great key in life and know that it is best to embrace adversity, knowing that the purpose of it is to gain the lessons – the experiences for our soul.

All The Best

Sandy MacGregor

 

How can we Accept and Let Go?

14 Mar

How can we Accept and Let Go?Here’s an interesting monkey story about Letting Go because it illustrates that it is important to identify negative habits and change them. There are areas of thick vegetation in the desert – like an oasis. Monkeys abound and of course there must be water, but that water is very difficult to find. The Kalahari tribe want the monkey for two reasons – to eat, and to show them the location of the water.

First the tribesman finds an ant hill positioned so that it can be clearly seen from the edge of the oasis. Then using a spear to drill a hole and then expand the bottom of the hole by rotating the spear. The monkeys watch and see a glass crystal catching the light disappearing down the hole. You know that the curious monkey loves shiny objects.

The monkeys come forward and one plunges its arm down the hole and grabs the crystal. Its hand is now a fist big enough for the fist to fit into the bulb at the bottom of the shaft, but too big for the shaft. The Kalahari tribesmen, who have been hiding, come forward – the other monkeys scamper, but the one with the crystal, it just won’t let go of the crystal. That’s all it has to do to save its life – let go.

The monkey is tied to a post in the sun and near it is placed a block of salt. In a few hours the monkey is literally “dying of thirst”, having licked the salt. With the Kalahari tribe in position, the monkey is released and they watch the monkey go straight for the water.

There Comes a Time to Let Go

There are circumstances where monkeys must let go. So too with many of our old habits, our old ways of doing things, our old opinions, our old attitudes. All of these things may have served us very well in their time. But there comes a time to let go.

Acceptance and letting go can be extremely challenging – especially when dealing with a loved one who is no longer on this physical earth. Ultimately one is able to think logically about all the circumstances surrounding the death – especially when it has been a violent death as in the case of murder. This includes the fact that the loved one is physically dead. In other words accept what had happened as a fact – to stop denying it – and look for the lessons in adversity. In this way one is co-operating with the situation and more likely to learn from it. Eventually one comes to terms with the situation and then one can work on letting the loved one.

Letting Go Does not Mean Forgetting

You can never forget, however you can dull the pain. Letting Go does not mean ‘not thinking about the people involved’, it does not mean ‘not having photos of your loved ones around’ it does not mean ‘not talking about them’. Letting Go can be done after acceptance so that any tragedy or adversity suffered is not in the forefront of your mind so that you can move on in my life. When you now think of your loved ones you can smile about the good times and remember them as they were – never aging!

Sandy MacGregor’s downloadable CDs, DVDs and courses (he has been coaching since 1989) are available at Massive Deal Discounts so that you can easily “http://www.selfimprovementdeals.com” Use Your Subconscious Mind To Achieve.

There are many circumstances whereby it is best to “let go” – examples are the death of someone close to you, a relationship, children as they move on in life, one’s status in life, any resentment or jealousy, a pet, or perhaps life itself.

Use Active Meditation

Meditation is an excellent way of taking action to achieve Acceptance and Letting Go. With Active Meditation using guided imagery and visualisation you imagine the challenge as a sack of sand that you have to carry around with you … you have to take it everywhere with you. Beside your bed at night, on the car seat when you’re driving, on your back when you’re walking. It’s a huge weight to carry all the time and you feel more tired … the sand somehow feels heavier … and more unwieldy … you feel worse … you must get rid of this burden as it is effecting every bit of your life. You start the process of “letting go” the sand – letting go your challenge by acknowledging different components of your challenge. You can imagine the sand as a sand castle on a beach with the waves gradually levelling the sand and that’s similar to Letting Go.

 
 
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