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Archive for the ‘Meditation’ Category

Handle Those Negative Emotions Before They Turn Into Monsters

22 Nov

Handle Those Negative Emotions Before They Turn Into MonstersLife is full of lessons. Most of the lessons we learn in life come from experiencing a negative emotion. Think about that! Do we have any deep and meaningful lessons from experiencing fun, joy and laughter – other than “we want it to happen again and again”. Of course understanding and recreating the conditions that surrounded the joy and laughter is important, yet it is often not the most impacting event in our memories – is it? Why is it then, that experiencing negative emotions such as resentment, blame, hurt, fear, anxiety, guilt, anger, bitterness, hatred, jealousy, revenge, all have such a strong effect on us and can teach us so much.

Emotion is Memory

We have two minds – the conscious mind is 12% of our mind and the subconscious mind is 88%. In the subconscious mind we have all our memory, habits, personality and self image. The language of the subconscious mind is emotion. The language of the conscious mind is words, sounds and pictures. It was the research scientist Rappaport who proved in 1971 that “emotion is memory”. Have you ever wondered why you can so easily recall a good event or a bad event. You can easily remember the circumstances, where you were, who else was there, you can relive hearing what was said, seeing the surroundings and you can re-experience the feeling – right through your body. The emotion, good or bad, is easily remembered – particularly the feeling you experienced.

So, once again, why are negative emotions so impacting? The answer is because they are so easily remembered and relived!

Prevent Emotional “Baggage” becoming a Habit

Handle Those Negative Emotions Before They Turn Into MonstersThis emotional “baggage” can be a real curse. We can often let it hang around in our mind creating further negativity. We know that negative thoughts attract negative thoughts … and this can lead to fear and anxiety, lack of self confidence and self esteem, depression, illness, disease, and more. And … we help to create this for ourselves by hanging on to the negative thoughts. Perhaps not even the initial negative event but we have multiplied its effect in our mind and body by not using techniques to handle it, moving through it and learning from it. So then emotional negativity becomes a habit.

It is extremely important to express your feelings and talk about events. This can be done with friends or with a counsellor. Look at the consequences of internalising or pushing down negative feelings. They go to memory which is in the subconscious mind. They are permanently there because as I’ve already discussed, “Emotion is Memory”. Then what can often happen, for unexplained, or no apparent reasons, one can experience negative feelings like sadness or anger (and more) bubbling to the surface. Negative emotional feelings can become a habit (depression). With a traumatic event, if internalised, this process can lead to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – depression, hot sweats, unexplained anger, nightmares, and irrational action can become the norm.

What can I Learn from this Event?

Here’s another trap that’s so easy to fall into. Asking the question of ourselves “Why me?” or “Why is this happening to me?” All of us are wired up the same way. When you ask yourself a question what do you get? An answer of course. Ask yourself negative questions and you get negative answers. You might as well ask yourself “Why do I deserve these things happening to me?” You can see where the answers lead … yes, to every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life, and this brings about more guilt and even more depression. We become more listless, lethargic, tired, weary, exhausted. And all of this reduces our productivity and self esteem, and once again “we’ve done it to ourselves”. We are the creators.

Handle Those Negative Emotions Before They Turn Into MonstersThere is a simple answer. Become aware of your own self talk and when it’s negative, change it. So ask yourself a positive question and you’ll get a positive answer. It can be a challenge, in the middle of experiencing or re-experiencing a negative event, to think of a positive question. I’ll offer one that can be a start and you can modify it to suit you. “What is there for me to learn from experiencing …… ?” (and then you say the negative event). Do you get the idea? Do this in meditation and write down the answers as they come to mind.

Handling Grief is a Process

Often with a death in the family or of a close friend, whether it be caused naturally (including disease), by accident or by violence, we can experience many negative emotions which are all part of the grief process. Yes, regard it as a process, something that we can experience, move through and learn from.

Nearly all the emotions that have been mentioned so far can apply in a process of grief. Some of them are directed to ourselves and the person who has “passed over” and some are directed to ourselves and the perpetrator (in the case of violence and sometimes accident). Personally, it was only in meditation when the thought came to me “If you persist in thinking hateful, angry and revengeful thoughts, you’ll end up like that”, that I realised I could make myself another victim … and then I would have done this to myself. So I changed the thoughts in meditation to acceptance, co-operation, unconditional love and ultimately forgiveness. This is when I developed that sense of inner peace. It is common for people to experience denial, disbelief and loss of faith, but I find that most of us do come to terms with these experiences, so I will not dwell upon them.

Associated with the grief experienced following a death, there is often the feeling of guilt, stemming from “I haven’t said goodbye” or “The last time we spoke we had an argument” or “I never resolved that …. (fight, argument, issue, etc…)” or “What if ….” Another feeling can be loneliness which is often manifested by “hanging on” to the person who has passed over. I have learned that we can always say “Goodbye” (it is never too late) and that we can always forgive, including forgiving ourselves for unresolved issues after the death. This can be done in meditation or by prayer in any location – graveyard, church, your bedroom, your own back yard, a favourite spot … to name a few. Long ago I was advised to “Let go and Let God” and this has served me. Do I still talk about my daughters and have their pictures around? Of course – but I don’t bring them to mind and try to communicate with them – rather I send them my Love and Light for the Highest Good of all concerned.

Handle Those Negative Emotions Before They Turn Into MonstersSo, learn the lessons that life has to offer through negative events by asking yourself positive questions and talk about any trauma and the resultant feelings. My advice is to learn Peaceful Place techniques and meditate, changing any negativity by using the process of acceptance, co-operation, unconditional love and forgiveness. (Try out my favourite meditation PP13 – Inner Peace and Harmony - it is online for just A$20). Remember that once you have these techniques you can more easily handle any challenge that life puts in your path – it’s like taking preventative action.

Positive Story

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying “Yes, I’ll do it if it will save her.” As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the colour returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, “Will I start to die right away?”

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

WOW! This is the kind of emotion I like to feel ….. it overwhelms me. This was forwarded to us by one of our e-mail friends and I thought you would like it. I intend to do an E Report on positive emotion.

All the Best

Sandy signature
Sandy MacGregor

Enjoy the positive story – it will take your breath away.

 

What We Can Do Towards Healing

07 Aug

What We Can Do Towards HealingRecently when I was reading a book about the mind (“Your Mind and How to Use It” by W.J. Ennever) I came across the following “experiment” done with a man who was suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. The man was hypnotized and the suggestion was made that his arm was being touched with a red-hot iron and that a blister would form. The doctor conducting the “experiment” actually touched him with his finger. The arm was securely bandaged and six hours later when the bandage was removed a blister had formed on the spot that the doctor had touched – it had the exact appearance of a blister produced by heat. Subsequently another part of the experiment was conducted whereby during hypnosis the patient’s arm was touched with a red-hot rod and the suggestion was given that there would be no pain. “There was no pain either then or afterwards and there was also no blistering. More detail of this experiment can be found in a volume entitled ‘Enquiry Into the Unknown’ by C.C. Seligman, M.D., FRS.” (Quote from W.J. Ennever’s book).

Of course the results from this “experiment” show that the thoughts of the hypnotized subject have a direct effect on the body – if the thought is dynamic, like that of a threatened touch from a red-hot instrument (when the actual touch was only that of a finger) then the part that was touched will take on all the signs of skin being really burned. You can of course take the power of this to its ultimate possibilities – if you have read my book “Piece of Mind” you will know what I’m talking about.

So is there a name for what we can do inside our mind when we work with healing? Yes – psycho-neuro-immunology.

The medical doctors who have made this process famous are Symington and Siegel. You may know of Bernie S. Siegel MD through his books “Love Medicine and Miracles” (1986), “Peace, Love and Healing”, “Living, Loving and Healing”. Do you spot the common word? Yes – “Love” is the quintessential to healing – or rather loving yourself – I’ll talk about that in a future EReport.

Many people have expounded in this area prior to Dr Siegel. In Australia we had the great psychiatrist Dr Ainslie Meares – at least 20 years before Siegel. My understanding is that Ian Gawler was a patient of Dr Meares and he, Ian Gawler, is doing fantastic work in this area. So is Petrea King. In 1979 Paul G Thomas in his book “Psycho Feedback” reports that the founding father was a French pharmacist, Emile Coue, who in 1870 became fascinated by the power of the mind and its relationship to health. By 1880 at his clinic in Nancy he was known for effecting ‘miraculous cures’ and even though he was an international celebrity, in 1920 he was far ahead of his time. Emile Coue’s greatest insight formalised in his book “Self Mastery Through Conscious Auto-suggestion” was ‘when the imagination and will power are harmoniously pulling in the same direction, an irresistible force is the result’

What We Can Do Towards HealingIs there any scientific proof? behind “using the mind for healing”? Yes, there is and don’t take my word for it. A “Choice” book published in 1995 called “Mind, Body, Medicine” is worth reading. The foreword is by a man I admire Professor Peter Baume AO, Head, School of Community Medicine, The University of New South Wales, and all the articles about the Mind’s Role in Illness and What You Can Do – Relaxation and Beyond are by medical doctors and researchers. Researchers have found a psycho-neuro-immunological link between levels of T-Cells (the fighting cells) and positive and negative mind state – positive mind states, meditation and laughter all increase the level of T-Cells in our immune system.

I have my own positive example which I often relate at my seminars. Some years ago now I severely burned my wrist on a barbeque. I instantly went to my Peaceful Place, let go the physical pain (the hurt) and sent “healing thoughts” to the place of the burn. I visualised my wrist as being healthy and healed. Even to me, with my already strong belief in these sorts of things, the result was quite stunning. There was barely a mark on my wrist and the healing time was very short – in fact there was not even a blister. Yes, of course there were scabs – it was a really deep burn but there was no pain.

If you or any of your friends are struggling with an illness then you could use, or suggest the use of, several techniques. One major key is to always remember that “hope” is a “live” message that we give our body (hopelessness is a die message), so becoming aware of all non-medical, non-traditional methods of healing, particularly psycho-neuro-immunology, is important as it helps to keep hope alive. The monitoring of any illness by a supportive doctor together with “second opinions” is also helpful. Becoming aware of our negative self talk and changing this to positive is all important. Using visualisation and guided imagery in the meditation state (the Theta state) to actively increase our “fighting” cells in dealing with any illness will help and know that by doing this process one will definitely relax and release stress.

That’s all for now. I hope you enjoy.

All the Best

Sandy MacGregor

 

Improving Relationships

10 Jul

Improving Relationships

Relationships are a huge issue in our lives – and throughout our life – relationships with our self and relationships with others. I have written in previous E-Reports about loving yourself, about sending your love and light, about forgiveness and about life’s lessons … all of these are key points in their application to relationships. To have successful relationships know that they begin with yourself. Know that nobody can convince you that you are special or you are loveable unless firstly you believe it yourself. So that’s the first decision to make – to be that person that you would like to spend the rest of your life with … it’s a great goal isn’t it? ….. to be the person I would like to spend the rest of my life with! You have no choice anyway, so let’s make that the starting point.

Give Out What You Want and Love Yourself

Relationships are constantly being built and replenished, and to have successful ones, you must work on them. Loving is a decision … choose to be loving towards yourself and others … and actually the joy of loving will flow on from there – you will feel the love coming into your life. I am sure you know that whatever you give out in life you get back. Give out anger …. you get more anger. Give out stress …you get more stress. Give out empathy and understanding …. you get more empathy and understanding. Give out love, you get love. So remember to give out what you want in seeking your special relationship. It’s good to know exactly what to give out and exactly what it is you want. Meditation and writing lists can help and I suggest doing written exercises about what you are and what you want straight after meditating on the subject. Have these written lists and review your progress – it can be a real buzz. I’ll suggest some lists to make in this E-Report.

Loving yourself is a first step to any relationship. Taking care of yourself in every way, being a responsible participant in your own life – in your own growth and development, talking to yourself positively, working with goals ……. are all ways to love yourself. I pose the question ‘How can others love you if you don’t love yourself’? So think about the relationship that you have with yourself – you, that special person – knowing that you are special, that you are loveable, and others know this as well. In fact make a decision to be even more loving towards yourself. Say this to yourself: “I love myself with all my heart”.

Improving RelationshipsChallenges And Difficulties Are All Learning Lessons

Going through challenges in your life may be difficult. You grow with every one of? life’s difficulties … so you treat them as learning experiences. It is best to be grateful for all the challenges that come into your life … and realise that from all these challenges you have learned something. In fact challenges are all learning experiences be they negative or positive – you grow in this way. The experiences all contribute to you becoming the person you are today. View all these experiences from the positive side … even if they’re negative, you now know what to avoid. Avoid judging your experiences, rather perceive the lessons positively. Right now you have the opportunity of bringing forward inside your mind all the good points about yourself and how you’ve experienced them. You probably are a kind, loving, generous, caring person. Just let your mind go, and drift to all your positive attributes. Write down all the things that are good about yourself. Go on, do it right now!

Feeling good now? Great! Just get your arms around yourself and hug yourself. Physically do this, and know that person, that inner person is you that you are hugging, you are a wonderful person.

Negative Thoughts And Forgiveness

Are you stuck on any negative thoughts? Know that you are greater than your thoughts. One of the things to do with these thoughts is just observe them as they come in and let them go – put them in a lift and watch the lift go up to the sky – the thought’s gone out of your mind, released into the light for the highest good. And if it comes back again, do it again, and again. You will realise that the thought is not you and that you are not responsible for all your thoughts. And sometimes when negative thoughts persist, you might need to do another exercise – forgiveness. Forgiveness of yourself and others … the way to do that is to say something like: “I forgive myself for… ” and then name what for. That’s as simple as it is. You see, if you go back to any situation that is not clear for you, then know that at that time you did the best that you could do with the knowledge that you had at the time. That’s all that can ever be expected. Forgive yourself no matter how you handled the situation before. That core essence of you, that loving, caring person is still there – you are not the action that was taken. Forgiving yourself and forgiving others is an extremely important part of relationships.

I Love You And Cherish The Differences

Here now is a good technique for you to use when you experience an argument with your loved ones, or with a person that you’re involved with, or your partner. You can actually use the light and your love by sending it to them. That’s right. In the middle of an argument, in the middle of a heated discussion, you can stop, be silent and with your heart, just send your love and just say to yourself something like “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you …” so that you are sending this message internally to them, and at the same time you could be sending the light – that clear, colourless, bright light, and you watch or you feel how it changes the argument, in yourself and sometimes in the other person. And then you’re ready to move on, because when you have a good relationship with yourself, that’s when you can seek and give out and find and improve relationships with others. Make a list of what it is YOU are looking for in a relationship. What type of relationship? And what is it within the relationship that you want? Be very specific.

Improving RelationshipsNow, it’s time for you to give out what you want and to act that out in your life, remembering that what you give out, you get back. So now you take the action within your life every day and give out more of what you want. Remember, that in seeking anything, especially in an ongoing relationship, you don’t change anyone else … in fact it’s impossible to change other people. In your relationship you may notice that some of your habits or good points are opposite to your friends or partners. Cherish those differences, note them , and know that this is one of the reasons that you have this relationship, to learn from each other. For instance, you may place an expectation on your partner about how they show love. Some people say “I love you” but you don’t hear it. You want them to show that they love you by giving you some flowers. It’s just a different way. So you see it becomes your expectations being placed on another person that can be the core of an issue. Having a relationship is a big commitment, so know what you’re looking for in that relationship. Review your list in your mind of … what it is you are wanting from a relationship. Know that trust is one of the biggest issues. Some other big issues include sharing your fears or your concerns with your partner, allowing them to be an intimate friend, and allowing your partner or friend to be the person that they are. Remember, you don’t change them. Just love them.

So in your meditation, or in your mind’s eye always picture or imagine the perfect relationship. Picture or imagine the person or people in this relationship. Hear what is being said in this relationship that is perfect. Experience your relationship using all your senses. Imagine yourself achieving the very perfect relationship. Know that this relationship is full of trust and love and intimacy and that you accept yourself and your partner or whoever it is in the relationship, as they are. You love them unconditionally, no matter what. Knowing that you can improve your relationships by loving yourself, by giving out what you want, by acting that out, and by accepting, acknowledging and cherishing the differences between you and any relationship you have.

All The Best

Sandy MacGregor

 

Addressing Grief and Loss

27 Jun

Addressing Grief and Loss

There is no doubt that life tests us all and many of us face more challenges than others – there often seems to be neither rhyme nor reason that we can fathom to explain this. Grief is certainly something that all of us are going to have to face in one form or another in our lifetime and many as well face trauma in their lives. It can come about through many situations. Some examples could be the loss of a loved one, even the loss of a pet, loss of a job, moving to another town or city, business failure, a friend moving on to another town or city, a broken relationship, a child changing schools, your own children growing up … the list could go on. Many of us don’t know how to handle grief nor do we know what to tell others – this E-report, although long, is an attempt to help.

Introduction
Over the years Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has been known, principally by the public, as the real authority on dealing with grief. Five Stages of Grief were defined by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her book “On Death and Dying”, Macmillan Publishing Company, 1969. She presents 5 stages terminally ill people may go through upon learning of their terminal illness – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Grief professionals acknowledge that these 5 Stages are the stages of Coping With Trauma – death need not be involved.

I am no professional expert counsellor in grief and can really only express from my experience and research. Experts in this area (peruse http://www.counselingforloss.com/article8.htm) talk about “Grief Work” beginning when the “honeymoon period” is over, when friends have stopped calling, everyone thinks you should be over it, the court case is resolved, “closure” has been effected, and everything is supposed to be back to normal. It’s at this point that real grieving begins – that is after the 5 Stages of “Grief”. Grief professionals often use the concept of “Grief Work” to help the bereaved through grief resolution – see http://www.counselingforloss.com for a site full of resources. I will address grief as the total journey – starting from the day of the trauma.

Emotional Results of Grief
When facing any adversity, I believe that it is extremely important to discuss it and work with what is at hand. Not talking about it is the worst thing one can do, because this can lead to the subconscious mind handling it with nightmares, hot sweats, unexplained anger, and irrational action. PTSD can be the resulting disorder. There is so much emotion around any traumatic event that the event becomes firmly implanted in our memory. If bringing the negative event to mind causes pain in the way of anger, hostility, blame, resentment, guilt, revenge, hurt etc, then one is hurting oneself and this can be happening to us for many years after the event unless we handle the grief or trauma. Whenever I now think of my daughters I sometimes momentarily think of their horrific death but I immediately replace the negative thought with fond, loving memories.

Handling grief is a process
Handling grief is a process and it takes time, sometimes a lot of time, before we will be able to come to the stage of thinking clearly about anything else (shock can often make us feel like a zombie – unable to think clearly and unable to make rational decisions). I don’t believe there is any order to coping with grief. All of us are different and we’ll do things differently! We go through grief in our own unique way…. however it is important and extremely helpful to reach out to others for assistance (and indeed for others to reach out to the one who is suffering to help them through this time). We need to talk about every single aspect of the event.

Forgetting about events is almost impossible and in many cases not even desirable. The feeling of pain will diminish with time – if it doesn’t, and in fact it remains intense, then professional help may be required. Please don’t make comparisons of any loss or trauma. Pain is a relative experience and there is no consolation in hearing that there is always someone worse off than you when we are experiencing our feelings.

Going Through Some Grief Before The Death Of A Loved One
Addressing Grief and LossSometimes in life we are faced with the sadness of a loved one who is slowly slipping away from this physical world. This could be at home or say in a nursing home or indeed at a palliative care centre. The process is challenging and can generate a prolonged grieving period where one may experience agonising feelings of helplessness and the pain of watching the degeneration of our loved one as they progress towards the inevitable. During a time like this we ourselves can already be on a path of grief. We don’t know exactly when our Loved One will pass away but we are watching them do so before our eyes. Perhaps we may have an image of them in our mind of what their essence was – when they were still in good health. Remember, how our Loved One looks now is not “who they are”. On the one hand, as we recall their essence, we can have warm memories and on the other hand, when we observe the change, overwhelming feelings of sadness and hopelessness can overwhelm us. Sometimes in a situation like this it can actually be a relief when they pass from the suffering of this world into the peaceful, “untouchable” state of death. Nothing more can now harm or damage them. They are in a “better” place. My wife says that when she thinks of her mother (who passed away after a long period of suffering) it is amazing how mostly only the wonderful, warm, loving thoughts and images come through. Often in this situation we have experienced so much grief prior to our Loved One’s final passing that the period of intense grieving after their actual passing may be brief. When we have had an extended period of grieving like this, it can be helpful to have been able to say Goodbye, remember the good times and tell our Loved One how much we love them – even if we think they can not hear us, usually it is the case that hearing is one of the last senses to leave us. An elderly friend of mine has just lost his wife after a prolonged period of suffering and I suggested to him that at her bedside he speak to her comfortingly and tell her of his love for her. Afterwards, with tears in his eyes he told me what a difference it had made to both of them as his wife, very feebly, had been able to acknowledge that she had heard him.

Does Anyone Want To Be Another Victim?
One of the ways that helped me to move through grief after my daughters died, was talking about it. I was really lucky in that I had many friends around me who were able to keep me talking about every aspect of the girls’ lives, my life, the murderer, emotions such as guilt, blame, judgements, anger, revenge, “Why me?” … everything! The other major way I handled my grief was with meditation. When I was in the middle of meditation, a thought came to me which was “If you persist in being hateful, angry and revengeful … then you’re going to end up like that!” In other words, I would become another victim … and it would mean that I would be doing this to myself (because we move towards our thoughts – negative thoughts attract negative thoughts which in turn leads to negative action and negative reaction … and the corollary of course, fortunately, is also true). So I sought assistance and worked in meditation with changing hatred, anger and revenge to acceptance, co-operation, unconditional love and forgiveness.

Acceptance and Co-operation
Acceptance and co-operation probably go together. A short explanation of what I mean is that whatever has happened, already is. It has already happened. It doesn’t matter how bad this adversity is, because according to the teachings I have learned about (and it is commonsense to me) whatever has happened cannot be changed, so co-operate with it, accept it, and in other words, don’t deny it. Look for the lesson in the adversity. Asking a question of yourself such as “What is there in this event that I can apply to my life?” or “What is there in this event that I can learn and perhaps help others?” You see, asking a question like “Why me?” just sets up guilt. When we ask a question of ourselves the mind goes searching for an answer – and eventually gives it to us. I might as well have asked the question “Why do I deserve this to happen to me?” At the time I did ask “Why me?” and can you imagine the answers that my mind came up with? Things like “You’ve been a rotten father – you should never have got divorced”, “You should have been there”; “You did some bad things when you were a kid …like …..”. You can see where this leads. And you’ve done it to yourself! A way to commence this process is by quietly thinking about acceptance and co-operation during meditation. It’s a good idea to make this process of meditation a daily habit … until you feel clear on these issues.

Unconditional Love
The next step is Love. This is the strongest force in the Universe and it is important to love all the people touched by this instance of grief. This includes yourself (after all, loving yourself is purely taking responsibility for yourself). I found that the analogies I use to help me understand unconditional love really helped me to be all-embracing, and are described in full detail in my book “Switch On to Your Inner Strength”. Briefly, we all have an energy within us – whether we call it CHI, Prana, Life Force, Soul, Spirit, Spark of the Divine, or simply Energy. We are all joined to one another through this Energy in the same way that each and every ray of sunshine is ultimately joined back to each other ray of sunshine, through the body of the Sun. So when I extend my unconditional love to anyone, I bring to mind that part of the person who is joined to me (in the way just described) and then I say (to myself) “I unconditionally love you …. and say the name …”

Forgiveness
A final step is Forgiveness and after going through the steps above, you will know when you are ultimately ready for this part of the process. If there is still anger present, then one really needs to work with getting rid of the anger. I first did Forgiveness in meditation by once again bringing to mind that part of the person who is joined to me (once again in the way just described) and then I say (to myself) “I unconditionally forgive you …. and say the person’s name … for ….. whatever it is”. There are a couple of things to remember. Forgiveness is for the Forgiver and NOT for the forgiven, so therefore it is not to be done face to face with the person, unless that person has specifically asked for forgiveness. You can do it in your own mind, in meditation. Another thing to always remember is that Forgiveness does not mean that you condone whatever the offence / crime / or event. The Forgiveness Process should always be a two-fold process – in other words, forgiving the other person and forgiving yourself. Forgive yourself for all the negative emotions and thoughts you have surrounding the particular event or issue.

I believe that Meditation is like Prayer and in fact, when you’re doing Acceptance, Love and Forgiveness, it is actually a Spiritual process. If it sits well with you, it could be a good way for you to bring to mind somebody that you consider symbolises the Divine … or perhaps a personal Guru, Teacher, etc… and “have a chat” to them … or “ask advice” of them.

Addressing Grief and LossLetting Go
Another challenging and often essential component of going through grief and loss is that of “Letting Go”. I have a complete chapter in my book Switch On To Your Inner Strength which addresses this area – I’ll briefly summarise it. Monkeys often get caught (and pay for it with their lives) because they wouldn’t let go of peanuts or bright crystals). The moral of the story is not that monkeys shouldn’t eat peanuts, or play with crystals, or be curious. It’s that there are circumstances where monkeys must let go. So too with our old habits, our old ways of doing things, our old opinions, our old attitudes. All of these things may have served us well in their time. But there comes a time to let go. As we progress through life we need to “Let Go Of” many things such as the past, our children, broken relationships, our status, resentment, envy and jealousy, a pet, a home, a business, a partner or a friend or a close relative who have “left us” through death, and eventually letting go of life itself.

My personal experience of letting go my three daughters after their murder was brought about by some advice that was given to me which stated “that you need to let them go as you may impede their progress”. I didn’t understand this but I know at the time I was meditating daily and bringing my daughters to my mind with very strong and powerful thoughts. The only thing I could think of to do at the time was to meditate and go through a process of letting go. What I did was akin to “Letting Go and Letting God”, which meant that I did not bring them up in my meditation any more. Does this mean I don’t talk about them or have their pictures around? No, of course not. I have their pictures, and whenever they come to mind now they are those lovely 16 and 19 year olds bringing a smile to my face with pleasant thoughts.

More Helpful Hints To Handle Grief
I always stress the importance of talking to friends about grief and trauma. It may not always be possible. Grief and trauma can take away your drive and persistence to find that person, or sometimes the people around you may not be able to or may be unwilling to listen to you. Sometimes the people around you may be part of the problem or they may have their own problems. Sometimes partners may not understand or you may be a person who won’t talk about things or you may feel that you may drive people away if you start sharing your feelings – we all have some insecurity about our relationships.

The key is certainly to express, to verbalise, to live and relive the memories and the might-have-beens. Here are some alternative ways of working through grief and trauma other than talking to a supportive, responsive person.

Remember all the support that is out there in the community, such as Lifeline who are available 24 hours a day (or similar support organisations who are available at the end of a telephone). Another very good organisation which I am pretty sure is world-wide is “Compassionate Friends”. Working through grief within a supportive group may be just the perfect thing to take you through a next hurdle in your journey of grief – people who have “been there before” may have new thoughts or ways of coping that you are unable to think of when in deep grief.

Addressing Grief and LossWhen you’re alone with your grief, one thing that can be really helpful is to write down all your thoughts and feelings as they arise. Writing can be both therapeutic and cathartic. What could you do with your writings? What I would do (and have done) is to call in the Light for the highest good of all concerned and burn what you have written. Some people have mentioned to me that having a diary has been something that has helped them with their grief journey. It also may be worthwhile to write letters or emails about your feelings or journey to friends who can then read and respond in their own time.

Free-form writing can be very mind-clearing. This entails writing about your thoughts as they come into your mind, without any attention to spelling, grammar, form, etc… You write as quickly as you can and then when you may be in the middle of a sentence and another thought comes into your mind, don’t complete the sentence you’re in the middle of, but just continue to write about the new thought. So you see, at the end of all this the writing does not make sense – so I recommend that you don’t re-read it. Once again, call in the Light, burn it and let it go for the highest good of all concerned.

Conclusion
There is no doubt that coping with Grief and Loss is an enormous challenge and know that whatever way you do it is OK – there is no “one way” and it is very individual. It is a good idea however to take a structured approach to it and definitely “Do” something about coping with Grief and Loss. I have, with this E-Report, offered some different strategies which come from personal experience and please know that this short paper does not attempt to be or to provide a definitive answer to everyone’s grief issues.

So, I’m hoping that you or your friends may find that this E-Report of some value in addressing one of life’s challenges which none of us will escape.

Be Easy On Yourself and All The Best

Sandy MacGregor

 

Why is Life’s Purpose so Important?

03 Apr

IT IS CHOICE NOT CHANCE THAT DETERMINES YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE NOW. I have been conducting my CHI (Creating Happiness Intentionally) Seminar, since 1994 and I produced my book of the same name some six years later, in August 2000. Is it just me? Or have you also noticed that there seems to be an ever-increasing amount written about Life’s Purpose Now? Why I wonder? Well … I do have a few thoughts as to why this might be such an important topic.

Life Purpose is such an individual thing. It doesn’t have to be something grand or overwhelming. It does take time to commit to searching out and determining just why we are here. The CHI seminar has carefully formulated exercises and procedures to guide you to this point and you develop a vision of yourself as you want to be.

The 3 minute video (above) is proof that we can control our own mind. During the time in total relaxation we can develop neural pathways to an end goal which becomes something we achieve. We do this in the CHI seminar and it is the start of real personal growth. Read below what others have said.

Some Quotes on Life’s Purpose

We do create our own lives … our own destinies. Every day we do this by the choices we make and the thoughts we think. I found these thought provoking quotes …

The question is not whether we will die, but how we will live. Joan Borysenko

Life is a promise; fulfill it. Mother Theresa

Great minds have purposes, little minds have wishes. Washington Irving

The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose. Richard Leider

Why do I call it CHI?

CHI of course is an acronym for Creating Happiness Intentionally. How do I think one can Create Happiness Intentionally? The journey towards the goal is what brings happiness, therefore formulating all your goals to take you to where you want to go for the next five years is finding your Life’s Purpose Now! Finding your life purpose and your deepest life intentions can help you to move with greater focus and clarity, every day of your life. You will never regret taking this step.

I do feel that today many people are seeking and questioning their life purpose and are no longer happy just drifting along with the flow – they are setting their own “sails of life”. Once you find an answer to this it will set you on a path of joy and freedom. You will identify aspects of yourself that will reach to the very core of your being and identify your talents and your life values. Any blocks to your progress will be identified and handled at CHI.

The Sydney and Bali Venues

A great start to CHI is to do Sandy’s 6 FREE Video Course (he has been coaching since 1989) which are available so that you can easily Use Your Subconscious Mind To Achieve.

The Sydney CHI Venue – at the Chevalier Resource Centre is delightfully relaxing and conducive to contemplation of such issues as Life Purpose. It is an old teaching Monastery, with beautiful grounds, excellent food … you will feel blanketed in nurturing and safety in every aspect.

And certainly you will feel the same at the glorious Gaia Abasan Mountain Retreat in Northern Bali … a million miles away from all cares and interruptions. They grow a lot of their own vegetables on this serene hillside … the food there is superb. See a Report about the Bali CHI. Many say it was sheer bliss to attend. Be There at Life’s Purpose Now in surroundings that will support you. Any venues throughout the world can be chosen – just send me an email – or comment – so that we can start planning.

Are you leading a purposeful life … the life you want? Tempus fugit … time does indeed “fly” and it may be that you would like to examine your future direction or indeed create balance in your life. Now could be the time to take advantage of this opportunity.

 

Achieving Easier in Exams and Study

28 Mar

From physics and trigonometry to the great English classics and music composers, children are exposed to thousands of new ideas, concepts, and formulas each year at school. From the moment they walk through the doors of kindergarten to that momentous day when they toss their mortarboards to the sky they are expected to learn nearly everything they will need to know to be a successful, functioning adult in society. They are even given the skills to study and manage time; however, very few are taught one of the most important skills that can be the difference between ultimate success and dismal failure.

Can you Cope with Stress?

Coping with stress in a productive manner is not something that is taught in elementary school, middle school, or even high school. Children who cannot calm themselves down in times of distress will ultimately fall victim to anxiety, irritability, frustration, nervousness, and even a general fear of the world around them. How can they possibly be expected to study and pass their exams when they cannot even control their own mind? To be successful in both school and life, children need to harness their inner calm so they can turn into teenagers and, finally, adults who have learned to harness both their analytical and creative sides.

Learning “How To Learn”

Achieving success in exams does not require countless hours studying, but rather by using the skills obtained from “How to Learn” that both activate and energise both hemispheres of their brain. After a short period of time children and teenagers will not only learn how to subdue overwhelming thoughts and emotions that lead to stressful situations, but to gain self-confidence that will propel them even further down their intended path of study and, eventually, career. Children who once before grew teary while attempting to finish their homework, transform into those who are eager to complete more. Teenagers who were unsure about even applying to college now have a dozen letters of acceptance filling the mailbox. The results are simply astounding, all by using a simple method that utilizes the natural mental abilities we all have.

Keys are the Mind and Meditation

Clearing the mind with meditation allows the subconscious to become more dominant in a child’s thinking, behaviour, and actions. Yet meditation is not simply about sitting on comfortable cushions in a silent room. Active Meditation unlocks the potential that is hidden deep within children, teenagers, and adults alike. Through active meditation it is possible to chart one’s goals and desires while also recognizing potential obstacles that might stand in the way. It is possible to achieve what once before had seemed impossible.

Sandy MacGregor’s 6 FREE Video Course (he has been coaching since 1989) are available so that you can easily http://www.selfimprovementdeals.com Use Your Subconscious Mind To Achieve.

With all of the distractions that exist in this modern world it can be difficult to find the time to actively meditate. However, it is essential to achieving success in school, in work, and in life. It is the difference between staring at a blank exam paper and not knowing the answers, to quickly filling in the blanks with the knowledge that cannot stop itself from pouring out of the mind. Discover the ability within by learning about the powerful secrets revealed in “How to Learn”.

 

Inner Peace and Harmony

21 Mar

Inner Peace and Harmony

What do most of us understand by having peace of mind? Hearing the words peace and harmony almost seem to have an onomatopoeic effect on the mind. It suggests serenity, tranquillity and being free of any disturbing thoughts or emotions. It is essential for self-improvement and personal growth. Having peace of mind both mentally and spiritually and being able to deflect and cope with excess stress are important. Meditation, starting with visualisation and guided imagery can help to achieve inner peace and harmony. World peace in fact begins with individual inner peace. Each of us has a responsibility to contribute to world peace, starting with ourselves, expanding to our families and our community, which will ultimately lead to world peace. Our own inner peace effects others’ and spreads accordingly. When individual communities live in harmony and co-operation, peace reigns.

Temporary Inner Peace and Harmony is not What we Want

Sometimes perhaps when we are on holidays or looking at a favourite movie, reading a good book or even in a deep sleep, we can momentarily forget any cares and worries we may have and find some temporary inner peace. Practising meditation can offer much more than just temporary inner peace and harmony.

Research has shown that most of our feeling of happiness and mental wellbeing comes from the inner self and our attitude. Your own self talk will contribute to your sense of inner peace and harmony when it is positive. Conversely, when it is negative it will lead to anxiety, fear, hate, anger, doubt and so on. That little voice inside our head is always switched on and we talk to ourselves many times each day. So being aware of our self-talk and nipping in the bud negative internal chatter is beneficial to our wellbeing. Reject the negative self-talk and avoid negative people. Doing meditation is a great way of using your own self help methods and subconscious mind. Be grateful for all that you do have in life, even if it is just for things such as having warm clothes, a roof over your head, food on the table, the beauty of nature. Do not hold grudges and learn to forgive. Practise patience and tolerance and don’t harbour feelings of jealousy.

Acceptance is a Key

Inner Peace and HarmonyLearn to accept what cannot be changed and do not dwell in the past in order to move on. Take care of your mind and avoid exposing yourself to negative stories in the media.

Sandy MacGregor’s 6 FREE Video Course (he has been coaching since 1989) are available so that you can easily “http://www.selfimprovementdeals.com” Use Your Subconscious Mind To Achieve.

We have so much more power in our lives when we do not allow our feelings to control us. Set yourself realistic goals and work towards their achievement. Practise deep breathing and spend time each day meditating.

People sometimes mistakenly believe that amassing material wealth will lead to happiness and therefore inner peace and harmony. The pursuit of material wealth can result in people becoming increasingly busy with no time to relax and develop the inner mind and cultivate a loving heart. Other problems can arise such as anger and resentment. Stilling the mind with meditation is the key. Learn to practice meditation. Even a few minutes a day will make a change in your life.

 

Meditation – The Power of Pretence

16 Mar

Meditation – The Power of PretenceHave you ever had the experience of being supplied with the information that you need ‘just at the right time’? Perhaps it seems to be by pure chance that you have received a letter, phone call or email or you might have heard a news report with just the piece of information you are seeking. You know my definition of coincidence? ‘The way that God remains anonymous’. My thoughts on why this happens is that it’s either because our thoughts are tapping into similar minded thoughts that are in the ether – in the great ‘Universal Mind’. Or, it’s that we are really focusing on this thought.

Sandy MacGregor’s downloadable CDs, DVDs and courses (he has been coaching since 1989) are available at Massive Deal Discounts so that you can easily “http://www.selfimprovementdeals.com” Use Your Subconscious Mind To Achieve.

This is how it happened for me some time ago when I was contemplating the thought that having fear was really our mind playing tricks on us. Thoughts like – You are not really going to get crushed in a lift – you just dislike confined spaces. The thought of this dislike can then work its way into your subconscious mind.

Soon afterwards I heard the statement on ABC Radio’s AM Program saying: “New research suggests there may be a link between glandular fever and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), whereby the fever damages an area of the brain, which is then tricked into thinking the body is unwell and subsequently sends out messages of fatigue and pain.

CFS and Glandular Fever Research

My research (on the internet) uncovered that both the ABC radio report and a Report in the “Sydney Morning Herald” were referring to an article in the “Journal of Infectious Diseases”. The article gave a report about a 12 months study which was of 39 Australians with glandular fever and it included eight people who had gone on to develop chronic fatigue syndrome and the report found that not the abnormal immune response or the virus itself could explain the variance between these two groups.

The researchers said the study found personality style such as neuroticism and psychological disorders like depression failed to predict long term illness. Andrew Lloyd – the lead researcher at the University of NSW stated that the study was part of the continuing “Dubbo Infection Outcomes Study” which monitored the long-term health of those who were infected with Ross River virus, Q fever infection and Epstein-Barr virus which is the cause of glandular fever. The study took place some time ago the total study involved 700 people.

It was found by a long-lasting Australian study that Chronic Fatigue Syndrome may be caused by a brain injury, meaning that in fact it is “all in the mind”. These researchers now believe that CFS develops as a result of a kind of brain injury caused by the onset of glandular fever, rather than being caused by a virus or a problem with the body’s immune system. The study’s authors say it won’t necessarily make for an immediate cure, but it may re-focus research into the condition and lead to better treatments.

Professor Lloyd confirms that the illness is not a pretence or a smokescreen for idleness nor a trick of the mind which invents pain, but rather it is a very real experience Pain does exist because the chemicals in the brain send the message of pain. If the signals from the brain chemicals become uncontrollable then the sufferer will experience a range of symptoms from fatigue, pain, mood alteration and so on.

Main Point

Have you ever had a dream that you are falling – heart beating faster, adrenalin running and hot sweats. What is the first thing you say to yourself when you wake up? Of course – it was only a dream. Your awake mind is what says this, but the dream mind or subconscious mind really thought it was true and you were being chased. The subconscious mind does not know the difference between imagination and reality. Never under-estimate the power of pretence – fake it till you make it! This is the reason why, even when having say claustrophobia, when you work deliberately with the subconscious mind and establish a new habit of telling yourself it is easy to walk a long way into a cave, it is possible to trick the mind. Active meditation using visualisation, guided imagery and positive self talk is the way to do this. The new habit will prevail – and this can happen in a very short time (say a month).

There is the case of an older man who, because of arthritis, had great difficulty in walking to the bathroom when he woke up, so he spent a while longer before rising, to meditate and visualise that he could easily walk to the bathroom. Then he got up and did just that, tricking the mind – every morning!

A Possible Solution

A thought could be to combat the signals of pain and fatigue which the brain is falsely giving out, when one has the illness of CFS. Visualise inside your subconscious mind being fit and well and capable of doing all those normal things you did before having the illness.

Remember to use only good, positive words and a lot of positive emotion – emotion being the language of the subconscious mind.

 

How can we Accept and Let Go?

14 Mar

How can we Accept and Let Go?Here’s an interesting monkey story about Letting Go because it illustrates that it is important to identify negative habits and change them. There are areas of thick vegetation in the desert – like an oasis. Monkeys abound and of course there must be water, but that water is very difficult to find. The Kalahari tribe want the monkey for two reasons – to eat, and to show them the location of the water.

First the tribesman finds an ant hill positioned so that it can be clearly seen from the edge of the oasis. Then using a spear to drill a hole and then expand the bottom of the hole by rotating the spear. The monkeys watch and see a glass crystal catching the light disappearing down the hole. You know that the curious monkey loves shiny objects.

The monkeys come forward and one plunges its arm down the hole and grabs the crystal. Its hand is now a fist big enough for the fist to fit into the bulb at the bottom of the shaft, but too big for the shaft. The Kalahari tribesmen, who have been hiding, come forward – the other monkeys scamper, but the one with the crystal, it just won’t let go of the crystal. That’s all it has to do to save its life – let go.

The monkey is tied to a post in the sun and near it is placed a block of salt. In a few hours the monkey is literally “dying of thirst”, having licked the salt. With the Kalahari tribe in position, the monkey is released and they watch the monkey go straight for the water.

There Comes a Time to Let Go

There are circumstances where monkeys must let go. So too with many of our old habits, our old ways of doing things, our old opinions, our old attitudes. All of these things may have served us very well in their time. But there comes a time to let go.

Acceptance and letting go can be extremely challenging – especially when dealing with a loved one who is no longer on this physical earth. Ultimately one is able to think logically about all the circumstances surrounding the death – especially when it has been a violent death as in the case of murder. This includes the fact that the loved one is physically dead. In other words accept what had happened as a fact – to stop denying it – and look for the lessons in adversity. In this way one is co-operating with the situation and more likely to learn from it. Eventually one comes to terms with the situation and then one can work on letting the loved one.

Letting Go Does not Mean Forgetting

You can never forget, however you can dull the pain. Letting Go does not mean ‘not thinking about the people involved’, it does not mean ‘not having photos of your loved ones around’ it does not mean ‘not talking about them’. Letting Go can be done after acceptance so that any tragedy or adversity suffered is not in the forefront of your mind so that you can move on in my life. When you now think of your loved ones you can smile about the good times and remember them as they were – never aging!

Sandy MacGregor’s downloadable CDs, DVDs and courses (he has been coaching since 1989) are available at Massive Deal Discounts so that you can easily “http://www.selfimprovementdeals.com” Use Your Subconscious Mind To Achieve.

There are many circumstances whereby it is best to “let go” – examples are the death of someone close to you, a relationship, children as they move on in life, one’s status in life, any resentment or jealousy, a pet, or perhaps life itself.

Use Active Meditation

Meditation is an excellent way of taking action to achieve Acceptance and Letting Go. With Active Meditation using guided imagery and visualisation you imagine the challenge as a sack of sand that you have to carry around with you … you have to take it everywhere with you. Beside your bed at night, on the car seat when you’re driving, on your back when you’re walking. It’s a huge weight to carry all the time and you feel more tired … the sand somehow feels heavier … and more unwieldy … you feel worse … you must get rid of this burden as it is effecting every bit of your life. You start the process of “letting go” the sand – letting go your challenge by acknowledging different components of your challenge. You can imagine the sand as a sand castle on a beach with the waves gradually levelling the sand and that’s similar to Letting Go.

 

Use the Subconscious to Handle Pain

29 Feb

Self Improvement is the result!

Use the Subconscious to Handle PainYou can use the subconscious mind deliberately to handle your pain – both mental and physical. To release the pain and bring in healing you use guided imagery and visualization. The end result is using the subconscious mind deliberately.

We can suffer hurt in many different ways. Your hurt may be physically or emotionally hurt. Examples of physical hurt could be:

1. Ways in which we may feel physical hurt are:  The hurt suffered in a motor vehicle accident.

2. Hurt as a result of a road accident. The hurt suffered in the final stages of cancer.

3. Hurt from the pain of advancing cancer. The hurt of toothache, headache and migraine.

Some of the circumstances in which we can be emotionally hurt are as follows:

  1. As the aftermath of the trauma suffered in war.
  2.  Following trauma suffered during war. The hurt following the death of a loved one.
  3. The hurt we feel when a loved one dies. The hurt you can feel on missing out on that important job application you made.
  4. The hurt felt after failing to be successful in an important job application. The hurt you feel when you are terminated from a position or made redundant.
  5. The hurt you can feel when an important business project you were pursuing collapses.
  6. The hurt felt when a business plan falls through. The hurt you can feel in a divorce or when an important relationship breaks up.

More on Emotional Hurt:

Each person has their own inventory of emotional hurts. Some of those hurts can be massive traumas that would obviously be understandable to anyone in their circle of friends. Others can be tiny slights, or rude remarks or small incidents which happened years ago and which would hardly be understandable as a hurt to an outside observer. The thing that has caused the emotional hurt may be so small, may be so incidental to the main game of life, that you are embarrassed to even admit that it is hurting you. In many cultures the problem of these small hurts is made worse by the fact that we are supposed to keep a lid on our emotions. Between the sexes this problem is worse for men; they are supposed to be strong, to have a stiff upper lip and not to be bothered by small things. The reason why it is important to release hurt is that hurt can nag and nag at you until it gets out of all proportion and is the only thing you can think about.  Think of a pin pressing firmly against the soft skin of your toe. Logically the actual quantity of hurt that is in that pressure must be less than many other forms of hurt you have experienced in your life. However when it comes to hurt, logic often counts for little. When a pin is pressing into your flesh it is the only thing you can think about. If the mind is focused on the hurt then it can’t be focused on the main game. Often we can confuse releasing hurt with the deeper need of “letting go”. This is a subject that I have covered below as “Acceptance and Letting go” in a previous E-Report. The death of a loved one for example is a much deeper issue which needs addressing in a special way.

The Language – Release Hurt

Notice the language used “releasing” hurt. When I was using the guided imagery and self talk process to “lose” weight as a means to prove (or not) that this method worked (back in 1981), I became aware of our powerful self talk. Remember we talk to ourselves at least 50,000 times per day.} {If anyone “loses” anything in their life what do they want to do about it? That’s right – get it back!~Of course, we want to find it again! If we lose weight …. the same thing happens. The weight loss industry is self perpetuating – lose a couple of kilos, and then get it back. The weight release industry however is successful. I like the word “release” and I believe it fits well into releasing hurt, that is, the hurt that’s in the pain.

Hurt can be released during the relaxed state or in meditation. “http://www.selfimprovementdeals.com” Use Sandy’s downloadable CD  You can use the Peaceful Place method to achieve complete relaxation. There you can identify the things that hurt you and then release them.

 
 
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