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Archive for the ‘Forgetting’ Category

Knowledge Centre – Life Changing

02 May

Why Is The Subconscious Mind Important?

The subconscious mind contains all our memory, our habits and beliefs, personality and self image. Perhaps you want to change a habit, such as smoking, or always reacting angrily when someone ‘pushes your buttons”. Maybe you wish to have better recall in exams. Or you might be challenged by low self esteem. Whatever you want to change, it is essential to change it in the subconscious mind.

But were you taught how to do that when you were at school? Were you born with a manual on how to operate your subconscious? Do you know the laws and the language of the subconscious mind? In my experience, most people answer ‘No” to those questions!

What Is The Subconscious Mind?

When you buy a computer, you acquire the hardware which is the computer screen, keyboard, disk drive and all the other bits and pieces inside. However, when you plug the computer in, it will not work without an “operating system”. The operating system is like a basic, predefined set of instructions which coordinates the use of the hardware. Once the operating system is installed, the computer comes to life and is able to perform fundamental tasks such as saving information, but more importantly, it is now able to accept further, more sophisticated programming. For instance, if you want your computer to type letters. A word processing (typing) program is required.

When you want to type a letter, you request the operating system to start this program. What then appears on the screen is a blank page, and as you type, the characters appear on the page. You may not be aware of all the billions of electronic signals which have been “programmed” by both the operating system and the word processing program to flow through the computer in a particular way so that you can type a letter. What you are consciously aware of is the image on the screen.

 

About Loneliness

08 Nov

About LonelinessLoneliness is a subject which in some ways is also linked to friendship (or lack of friends), possibly lack of self esteem, and depression. I received quite a large response from my previous email about friendship and I have included in this MMN some of the responses, below.

Loneliness is not the same thing as being alone.  Many of us seek time alone to emotionally recharge, to reflect or to explore our creativity or hobby.  Being along is often a choice whereas loneliness is not something we choose.  Paradoxically a feeling of loneliness can be experienced even when one is not alone, but rather amongst a crowd of people.  When loneliness is experienced in a crowd of people, it can be even more isolating and make us feel disconnected in a frightening way.  Loneliness may be felt as a result of a lack of love in our life and can be as devastating as the feeling of grief after losing a loved one.

 

Relationship Breakdowns

After the breakdown of a relationship we may feel abandoned, rejected, unworthy and insecure and this can lead to a feeling of loneliness.  A period of recovery from this sort of grief is necessary and eventually it is important for our mental health to move on and resume a useful and enjoyable life where we once again feel lovable, accepted and valued.

Of course, apart from the loss of a loved one, there are other circumstances in life which can lead to loneliness.  Almost any socially unsettling event such as moving to a new area, the birth of a child, a child leaving home, living in an isolated area – these  can all be the cause of loneliness.  Even within a marriage or close relationship, loneliness can be experienced when there is lack of communication and anger and resentment build up.  Learning to adapt to a new reality and find ways of reconnecting ourselves is important.

 

Challenges With the Pace of ”Living”

With today’s fast living style, close personal friends are often not highly valued and nurtured but are abandoned in place of social networking and  “internet friends”.  This is a great loss and the loss of true personal connection can lead to a feeling of isolation and loneliness.  Keep in mind that all friendships are important and not just those of a romantic nature.  As people initially share small things together this can lead to eventually sharing innermost feelings, which of course may take time, but friendships can evolve and be cemented.  Nobody will ever be exactly the same as us, so respect and accept the differences.

About LonelinessPursue your interests and hobbies and join a social club or sports group, or other interest group such as bush-walking, bush-care, music, art, theatre, scrabble, Bridge. Take up walking and offer a smile to others along the way – if you’re feeling lonely yourself it will make you feel better and more connected and it also just may help somebody else. Involve yourself in some  voluntary work – thinking about helping others can take the focus off self introversion and self obsessiveness and can help with self esteem.  When you learn to respect and value yourself you can come to enjoy your own company and eventually others will too.  Taking care with your diet and your physical health can also improve your self esteem.

Deprivation of freedom as a form of punishment has always been present in society and enforced loneliness as in solitary confinement is sometimes used as a more extreme form of punishment and sometimes even torture.  This is just one more aspect of loneliness and hopefully one that not many of us will have to face.

 

Research Paper

If you scroll down to the Editor’s Summary on this Research Paper about Social Relationships (from two universities from USA)  I think you’ll find it interesting.

Every human being will experience loneliness at some stage in their life – even if it is the first time you are away from home and familiar surroundings.
So Sandy, know that loneliness is not a permanent state and may be an indication of some need that is missing.  Improve your self confidence meditation CD #10 or the Instant Download Self talk is very important – keep it positive and use the Peaceful Place technique in meditation CD #18 or the Instant Download Here.

Some Great “Friendship” Responses

    Hi Sandy! Even though I haven’t corresponded with you for ages I do appreciate the newsy updates you send me and the wisdom in the thoughts expressed.
    This one on Friendship I felt an impulse to respond to as I absolutely agree with the sentiments and suggestions.
    Among many courses and classes I have facilitated over the last 30 plus years was one that we did for about 16 years called “Building Self-confidence” and as part of it we emphasized friendship, awareness of the negativity of others (even when kindly meant),  and the freedom one experiences when “taking responsibility for self ”.  Simple wisdom’s that we often saw had the power to change participant’s lives  -  so I am really glad to see from your newsletter that people are still asking the questions and listening to the answers.  Keep up the good work.   N.T.  Vic.

   2. Another definition which I gleaned from somewhere was that “Friends are people who share common values”. I find this a very useful viewpoint from which to analyse relationships. We might extrapolate the definition to one of “overlapping values” because it would be very rare to find two people who share ALL their values. This ties in with Sandy’s definition of Integrity – do your values match your goals?? So it is that as I am often teamed up with diverse persons in the workplace, I can work with the “good” in each one. But what’s the definition of “good” in that context? I suggest that I am simply coupling up with the values which we have in common, and doing my best to respect but ignore any of their values which I don’t want in my portfolio!
    So I might say that my best friends have (say) 95% overlap with my values while it is unlikely that I will be friends with someone with less than say 75% overlap, and people with 50% will be at best acquaintances or colleagues.  B.S.  Tas.
And from a good friend of mine:
Didn’t know I needed encouragement mate … however, you might follow this up with how to get and keep a friend.

1.      Reach out to fellows whether you know them or not.
2.      Give more than you get.
3.      Communicate well. Remember two ears – one mouth.
4.      Always be there but don’t get in the road.
B.C.  NSW.

    I must say that I haven’t been doing the Peaceful Place often enough. However I believe that it does have a very positive influence on the way that I think.
I suppose I don’t give myself enough time to do it, basically, which, when I think about it, is a pretty lame reason. I’m a farmer and so it always feels like something has to be done around the place and I don’t allow enough time for meditation. In writing this though, I have just understood the fact that I have to take time out to do it. It is worth doing because of the positive influence it has on my mind.
Thankyou .  
H.A.  NSW

    Thank you for your wonderful informative emails, they really keep my thoughts on track. I particularly enjoyed having my thoughts revised on “friendship”.
     Being an only child, friends my own age are what I place importance on and I have retained my school friends.  I have discovered that those who are not true friends really don’t appreciate it if your life is going too well. Fair weather friends are for the birds and hard times seem to sort the wheat from the chaff. There is nothing as good as a true friend.
    Thank you again Sandy – I find your emails on these topics so interesting. C.W.  NSW.
     Hello to all in the CALM team! MMN is always inspiring, particularly as it usually sparks other thoughts and ideas.
    But this one takes me back a long way, well before I first heard Sandy in 1992, and I would like to share a couple of comments in case they are helpful for anyone or will progress this discussion:
   1. A book which shaped my philosophy about relationships whilst in my 20′s was “Intimacy and Solitude” by Stephanie Dowrick. It’s many years since I’ve looked at it but it had “answers” to the questions posed in MMN.

About Loneliness

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Overcoming Procrastination

17 Jul

Overcoming ProcrastinationI have often been asked how to overcome a habit of procrastination. My answer has been to set a goal on whatever you have been procrastinating about “doing” and then follow the 8-Step CALM Process for achieving goals, doing this over and over again in your subconscious mind. At the last CHI Seminar several participants wanted more than that answer as they were having challenges regarding procrastination as an issue in their lives. Questions arose such as “Why do we have procrastination?” and “What is it really?” and “How come it’s a habit that is really holding me back?” Because this explanation was really relevant in the CHI Seminar I felt I needed to pass it on to others – hence this E-Report.

Habits

When you have a habit it means that it’s firmly implanted in your subconscious mind. The subconscious mind wants everything it’s got … it’s like your Comfort Zone. Even if you have a bad habit you’ll keep on doing it; you see the subconscious mind (where habits reside) doesn’t judge good or bad. If you have the habit, the subconscious mind wants it and it keeps bringing the habit to the surface. Just imagine for example the habit of “smoking”, even though people know it’s not good for them – it’s “stuck” there as a habit.

The job of the Subconscious Mind

I say that the job is to “Keep you where you are now”. In other words, the subconscious mind wants what it’s got – it doesn’t want what it’s not got. How does it do that? The real answer is with sabotaging self talk. An example could be self talk, which says “I’m no good. I’ll never get it. I don’t deserve it. I haven’t been practising. I’ll fail anyway. I hate it.”

Have you ever heard those words when talking to yourself? Yes, most of us have – it’s sabotaging self talk which we put there and allowed it to perpetuate. The end result of this is, whatever it is we want to do, we are stopped because we now have the entrenched negative habit.

Can we change, or put into the subconscious mind whatever it is we do want? Of course – that’s what I teach! I have two main methods: one involves using goals in the Alpha Brainwave state and the other involves using Active Meditation in the Theta brainwave state.

We can change self talk to, for example “I’m getting better and better. I’m really good at …………… I’ve been practising and deserve to win ………….. Yes, I’ve got it!” When the subconscious mind has got these messages then, and only then, will whatever you want have a chance of happening.

 So what is procrastination?

When procrastination is a habit, then another way of expressing procrastination is that the subconscious mind is doing its job. That is, it – the subconscious mind – is keeping you where you are now.

In other words, whatever it is that you need to do, you will not do, because the subconscious mind is keeping you where you are now. You will keep procrastinating, preventing you from doing it, because that’s become the habit. The habit is to put off doing certain things. We can all procrastinate over individual small things and sometimes procrastination can loom so large – regarding almost every aspect of our daily life – that procrastination itself has become an entrenched habit.

So how can we change that? How can we achieve

Set a goal and use the CALM 8 Step method to “do the goal” moving it into the subconscious mind. So, even if procrastination (about a certain task) is a habit and you wish to really achieve something like for example “exercise” then you set a goal – “I love exercising every day for thirty minutes”. When you do this goal by visualising the end result and using emotion, then you are expanding the subconscious mind with the new goal.

Don’t race off and exercise immediately! That would then be using your willpower? and you’ll probably hate doing the exercise and thus create stress. Why? Because you have stepped outside your Comfort Zone.

So you “do the goal” first – over and over – and achieve it in your subconscious mind. You are actually creating a new neural pathway in your mind.

With this process you are expanding your Comfort Zone.You’ll know when you’re ready to move forward.You’ll be bursting out of your skin to exercise, you will be ready to step into the expanded part of your comfort zone – that is, expanding your subconscious mind with the new goal so that you now exercise, enjoying it and achieving without stress.

How can we change the habit of procrastination?

If it’s the actual habit of general procrastination you wish to change then use the same way as described – by putting the new goal into the subconscious mind – expanding it. A new goal for changing the habit of procrastination could be: “I enjoy the process of setting and achieving goals by deliberately expanding my comfort zone”.

Overcoming ProcrastinationOnce you have that goal in your subconscious mind you will not procrastinate any more. Will you remember that you used to be a procrastinator? Of course! Just like one remembers they were a smoker. However, you have overlayed the old habit with the new habit in your subconscious so that the newer habit, the new neural pathway, will come up first.

Easy isn’t it? I would like you to develop the mental picture of walking in life towards something you want. That is, 12% of the conscious mind is going towards what you want; 88% of the subconscious mind is sabotaging you because it hasn’t got it yet. So it’s pulling you back. Which one wins? The subconscious 88% of course. Now expand the subconscious with the new goal. Now you have 88% and 12% working towards whatever it is you want and that’s when you get it faster!

So, just do goals and remember the job of the subconscious is to keep you where you are now. The job of the conscious mind is to put into the subconscious whatever you wish to achieve.

Enjoy the Success Stories below, and ……………..

All the best,

Sandy MacGregor

 

Aspects of Forgiveness

05 Jul

Aspects of ForgivenessMany people, including those who saw me on the “Sixty Minutes” program and ABC TV’s “Australian Story”, have asked many questions relating to what I understand by forgiveness. Does forgiveness mean that I am condoning the action? Some of the answers I gave are interwoven in this E-report.

Introduction

Forgiveness has been an ongoing process for me, culminating two years ago, (that is, after 14 years), in having a face-to-face meeting with the murderer of my daughters. It was a Conferencing Program under the auspices of the Correctional Services, in Grafton Jail in February 2001.  I went through my forgiveness process, ensuring that Richard Maddrell understood the process, and I unconditionally forgave Richard Maddrell for the murder of Jenny, Kirsty and Lexie.

By forgiving him, people may think that I ‘pardon’ him and that perhaps by this I mean that Richard Maddrell should be free, however this is not the case. I do not condone the action. I think that Richard Maddrell, should be in jail for life, principally for the protection of the community.  If Richard Maddrell is freed, I could handle it – this is Man’s Law.  Neither do I resent Richard Maddrell and I have no hatred, bitterness or hostility towards him – if I have any feeling towards him, it is one of compassion.  I believe that the forgiveness process is far deeper than the words imply – it involves spirituality. My process is between me and God

A Letter, With A Challenging Question

The question was in regard to someone who was released from detention and exposed again by media. I have taken the licence to either change wording or leave out some words to preserve confidentiality.

I have witnessed a similar situation but from the other side.

When I was contracting for a Government Department, a new person joined us. His name seemed familiar – but I could not place it. He worked hard and conscientiously, always friendly, always helpful. He seemed to treat each day as a gift rather than an expectation.

Then one of the local papers decided to do an article on ‘rehabilitated criminals’. It turned out that my co-worker was an ex bank-robber and a rapist. And that my manager (for whom I had great respect) had been involved with drugs and attempted murder.

For several weeks their lives were misery. The department, with standard government knee-jerk reaction, tried to get them dismissed on the spot.

Questions were asked, and fingers pointed. Finally it all blew over, but the effect on them was saddening. I wondered how they themselves could heal when no-one else would let them.

I truly felt for them. They had done their time, served their prison sentence and as my manager was now a committed Christian I could see how his past deeds weighed on his conscience.

Thankfully it is people like yourself who have the inner strength to go on, and forgive, that can enable people who have committed crimes to mend their lives and go on to be better human beings.

For that example … I thank you.

My Answer

There are a few things that are mixed together here. One is Man’s Law, one is God’s Law and then there is Society. In this case, after they had served their sentence (Man’s Law) they were burdened by Society. This also may be a way that God’s Law plays a part in that things done in the past can never really be buried but we must come to terms with them in such a way that thinking about them doesn’t cause pain. Pain caused through guilt can often be handled by “I have done the best that I could with the tools that I had at the time. Now that I know more, I will do better next time”.

I have had cause to write about this before and I will include that below – with some adjustments – in attempting to address the issue. It’s written as though it is going to somebody who has offended.

Once again? thank you for taking the time to write to me – I understand your concerns for the people you mentioned in your letter.

Expectations – Part Of A Letter Written To An Offender

Aspects of ForgivenessOur journey through life and the experiences it brings us is often referred to as Karma. A belief that I subscribe to is that negative Karma must be balanced as we move onward through life. It’s a fact that we have blocks in our lives. (I have discussed this in a previous E-report.) Sometimes these blocks can be avoided by “walking around them”. Have you ever noticed that when you do “avoid” a block it surfaces again, only this time it’s a bit bigger. The blocks can grow from mini minor size to truck size, to jumbo size, to train size, until it can no longer be avoided. Then we must work with it, to get through it, and learn the lessons that come out of dealing with it. These lessons are experiences for our soul. In spiritual terms it is the job of the higher self to ensure we learn life’s lessons.

In much the same way we can have experiences in life that we don’t deal with. An example of this is the journey by many soldiers dealing with experiences in Vietnam. Indeed, even the Government of the day aided and abetted soldiers to put their memories behind them by advising soldiers to not congregate in pubs and talk about their experiences. “The war is over for you. It’s only one year out of your life. Put it out of your mind. The people don’t like it, and ……so on.” So memories were pushed down and sometimes “forgotten”. Where to? To memory. Where is Memory? In the subconscious mind. How does the subconscious mind handle it? This is the dream mind, so “hot sweats”, “nightmares”, are common, as is “irrational action” and “unexplained anger”. This is called Post Traumatic Stress with Repressed Memory. The ex soldier has to handle this and come to terms with it or, go through their experiences, not “push them down”.

I don’t pretend to understand what has happened to you, nor to understand “prison justice” or “society justice” – perhaps I could call this an extension of “man’s law”. What has come up for me is that others in Society may believe that the debt has not yet been paid in full. Let me go a step further – when one is released from custody, my thinking is that the media may eventually find out and therefore the public will know as well. In other words the release will be public knowledge and this could make things harder for anyone in these circumstances.

I think, prepare for this eventuality – don’t put it out of your mind. I know, that you know, that you did commit an enormous crime. You have made great strides towards coming to terms with this by expressing your remorse. You may have further to go, so don’t push down the event and try to forget it – you must, for your sanity, come to terms with it. So how do you do that – come to terms with it

I think the ultimate process is the same one that I went through – acceptance, co-operation, unconditional love and forgiveness.

One thought, at the commencement of this process, is to separate the event (the crime you committed) from the deeper inner you. The deeper inner you is the spark of God within you, or the soul. The event is an experience that your soul has and now it’s up to you as to how you handle that. It is the lessons from the event that the soul will experience. So when you do the process of forgiveness, bring to mind that part of you that is the deeper inner you and forgive yourself. (You may be really angry with yourself – if this is the case then the anger must be handled before the forgiveness process can take place). Forgiving yourself can be coupled with asking God for forgiveness. All these processes are best done in deep meditation.

Whilst you go through all of these inner processes then “Man’s Law”, “Society’s Law”, and “Prison Justice” has to be handled. It is handled by the personality which will draw strength from these inner processes. Whatever happens in the jail, or once you are released, or when you are free in society, can be cruel. You will be reminded of the event in many different ways and it is not until you’ve “handled it” will you be able to deal with these circumstances by drawing on your inner strength.

So, in conclusion, don’t push down the event, handle it with co-operation, acceptance, unconditional love and forgiveness and you will be able to deal satisfactorily with “Society”.

Aspects of ForgivenessSelf Forgiveness Is Just As Big A Challenge

I mentioned forgiving self in my answer above. In my original letter I also gave some specific advice on the way forward with the help of a Staff Counsellor. Self Forgiveness is a big topic and I don’t expect anyone new to the subject to understood it overnight. It is something that needs to be experienced.

There is no doubt that Forgiveness and Self Forgiveness go together. It’s like 2 sides of the same coin. Often we find that we can’t forgive ourselves because of some awful thing that we have done. “Awful” in whose judgement? Here’s a thought. If we can bring ourselves to thinking “I’ve done the best that I could do with the tools that I had – I’ll do better next time” then this will help the process, because we are fallible beings.

A Way To Start – When It’s Really Tough

I find that when we can’t forgive somebody for something, then we need to understand what we are doing to ourselves. Anger, hostility, blame, judgement, guilt … can only lead to sickness within ourselves. 50,000 times a day we talk to ourselves! Who Listens? Negative thoughts attract negative thoughts. So where does this process end up? By being another victim – and, who caused it? Yes you did of course. So now to the Choice Point! I don’t want to be another victim! I also have responsibility to myself, my family, my friends and to those who rely on me.

I have also found that giving yourself permission to just examine and find out about the process of forgiveness is a good first step. And, once again this statement will help: “They’ve done the best that they could do – they don’t know any better – perhaps they’ll do better next time.” I find that the best way to do all of this is in meditation, with guided imagery. Meditation provides a wonderful vehicle for moving on and not remaining stuck.

So, I’d like to share how I experienced a feeling of freedom, liberation, and a sense of lightness and felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders after I had my face-to-face meeting. I will never again wonder how I would react if confronted by the murderer of my daughters. The monkey is off my back.

All the Best

Sandy MacGregor

 

How can we Accept and Let Go?

14 Mar

How can we Accept and Let Go?Here’s an interesting monkey story about Letting Go because it illustrates that it is important to identify negative habits and change them. There are areas of thick vegetation in the desert – like an oasis. Monkeys abound and of course there must be water, but that water is very difficult to find. The Kalahari tribe want the monkey for two reasons – to eat, and to show them the location of the water.

First the tribesman finds an ant hill positioned so that it can be clearly seen from the edge of the oasis. Then using a spear to drill a hole and then expand the bottom of the hole by rotating the spear. The monkeys watch and see a glass crystal catching the light disappearing down the hole. You know that the curious monkey loves shiny objects.

The monkeys come forward and one plunges its arm down the hole and grabs the crystal. Its hand is now a fist big enough for the fist to fit into the bulb at the bottom of the shaft, but too big for the shaft. The Kalahari tribesmen, who have been hiding, come forward – the other monkeys scamper, but the one with the crystal, it just won’t let go of the crystal. That’s all it has to do to save its life – let go.

The monkey is tied to a post in the sun and near it is placed a block of salt. In a few hours the monkey is literally “dying of thirst”, having licked the salt. With the Kalahari tribe in position, the monkey is released and they watch the monkey go straight for the water.

There Comes a Time to Let Go

There are circumstances where monkeys must let go. So too with many of our old habits, our old ways of doing things, our old opinions, our old attitudes. All of these things may have served us very well in their time. But there comes a time to let go.

Acceptance and letting go can be extremely challenging – especially when dealing with a loved one who is no longer on this physical earth. Ultimately one is able to think logically about all the circumstances surrounding the death – especially when it has been a violent death as in the case of murder. This includes the fact that the loved one is physically dead. In other words accept what had happened as a fact – to stop denying it – and look for the lessons in adversity. In this way one is co-operating with the situation and more likely to learn from it. Eventually one comes to terms with the situation and then one can work on letting the loved one.

Letting Go Does not Mean Forgetting

You can never forget, however you can dull the pain. Letting Go does not mean ‘not thinking about the people involved’, it does not mean ‘not having photos of your loved ones around’ it does not mean ‘not talking about them’. Letting Go can be done after acceptance so that any tragedy or adversity suffered is not in the forefront of your mind so that you can move on in my life. When you now think of your loved ones you can smile about the good times and remember them as they were – never aging!

Sandy MacGregor’s downloadable CDs, DVDs and courses (he has been coaching since 1989) are available at Massive Deal Discounts so that you can easily “http://www.selfimprovementdeals.com” Use Your Subconscious Mind To Achieve.

There are many circumstances whereby it is best to “let go” – examples are the death of someone close to you, a relationship, children as they move on in life, one’s status in life, any resentment or jealousy, a pet, or perhaps life itself.

Use Active Meditation

Meditation is an excellent way of taking action to achieve Acceptance and Letting Go. With Active Meditation using guided imagery and visualisation you imagine the challenge as a sack of sand that you have to carry around with you … you have to take it everywhere with you. Beside your bed at night, on the car seat when you’re driving, on your back when you’re walking. It’s a huge weight to carry all the time and you feel more tired … the sand somehow feels heavier … and more unwieldy … you feel worse … you must get rid of this burden as it is effecting every bit of your life. You start the process of “letting go” the sand – letting go your challenge by acknowledging different components of your challenge. You can imagine the sand as a sand castle on a beach with the waves gradually levelling the sand and that’s similar to Letting Go.

 
 
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